had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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