Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't think brook has ever known best
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
