Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
