those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
