Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
