he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
