Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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