i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
