You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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