I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
