It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
