is your mom at the bar?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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