I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
