I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
