You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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