I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
