And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
