I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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