I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
zippers are such a cool invention
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
