dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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