Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i dont even know how to be here
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
