What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
