wanna go halves on a baby?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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