; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
