My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
