remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
