ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
