There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
