Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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