So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
