and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
