I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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