so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
