i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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