Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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