We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
