you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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