Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
