i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
