HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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