I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
