i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
