I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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