4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My first STD was from a foam party
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
