so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
