Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
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