I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
