There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
