All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
