If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We got so high we made milksteak
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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