I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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